Cheryl Interviews John Anealio, which is NOT his real name


I met first encounted John Anealio on The Functional Nerds podcast, which I encountered as a result of the SF Signal podcast. I found him engaging and all together worth listening to. It wasn’t for a while that I realized he was also the man behind the (in)famous rendition of “George R.R. Martin is Not Your Bitch“. He subsequently invited me to join him on the FN podcast. We began a sweet, and respectful, eFriendship.

Then, I had the pleasure of meeting him at Balticon this past May. Although he was chronically exhausted the entire con, we talked about a bunch of things, I watched him perform live, and we recorded another episode of the FN podcast along with one of my favorite science fiction authors, T.C. McCarthy.

But, despite my friendship with Anealio, I couldn’t be bothered to interview him. I had to wash my hair. So I asked my assistant Cheryl to have a chat with him about his new album, Laser Zombie Robot Love, and some. . . other stuff.

Cheryl: Who are you John Aneoleo.. er… Akneeleo… er.. Anealio? There we go. John Anealio.

Anealio: I perform geeky anthems for writers, librarians, lovers of Sci-Fi, Best Buy customers & robots. My music sounds like John Mayer, Weezer & James Taylor playing Dungeons & Dragons together on their iPhones.

Cheryl: My nephew, little shit that he is, would probably just called you John Assholio. But, being a public school teacher I’m sure you’ve heard worse. Am I right?

Anealio: Believe it or not, Anealio is actually my pen/stage name.  It’s my middle name spelled phonetically.  My real last name is spelled a lot like an Italian cheese.  I’ve had cheese jokes thrown at me my whole life.  Your little shit nephew can step.

Cheryl: So, Justin, the guy who owns this blog who couldn’t be bothered to do this interview, said that you’ve got a new album coming out. I really hope the title song is “Hey Justin, Cheryl is Not Your Bitch.” Anything like that?

Anealio: The title of the album is actually Laser Zombie Robot Love which is a name that was created by author Chuck Wendig and voted on by my fans.  There are 11 songs on the album (including the afformentioned “George R.R. Martin Is Not Your Bitch”) plus 9 bonus electronic remixes and acoustic versions of the songs.

Cheryl: So you did a song for Angry Robot’s Empire State by Adam Christopher. Justin wasn’t such a big fan of the book, but told me to tell you, “the song was fabulous.” He actually used a female anatomy part to describe it, but I thought that was boorish. What was that like?

Anealio: It was a challenging but rewarding experience. Many of my songs are light and humorous.  Empire State is pretty dark for me.  It was fun to be able to reveal my metal and progressive rock roots too.

Cheryl: I think Mur Lafferty does some work for Angry Robot. Have you tried writing a song about her? What rhymes with Lafferty? Mur is pretty easy. Fur. Bur. Cur. Blur. Precursor.

Anealio: I wrote a song for Mur Lafferty. I Should Be Writing is the theme song for her podcast. If I were to write a song about Mur, I’m sure I’d rhyme her name with “conquerer” or “boa constrictor”. Yeah, definitely boa constrictor.

Cheryl: So you’ve got a couple albums, you teach music, what else do you do? If you say you’re a blogger I might punch you. The last thing anyone needs is another self important blogger. Have you read this blog? Ugh, I swear. It’s pathetic cry for attention. Oh, sorry. Tangent.

Anealio: I co-host The Functional Nerds Podcast with Patrick Hester.  We interview Science Fiction & Fantasy Authors like Timothy Zahn, Mike Resnick and Cherie Priest every week.

Cheryl: Oh, podcasting huh? Can I come on to talk about my book Throbbing Python? It’s about a snake that umm.. throbs and stuff.

Anealio: Not at this time, we’ve been saturated with “ReptilePunk” authors lately, so we’re taking a little break.

Cheryl: Great! That’s sarcasm, in case you didn’t pick up on it. Anyway, thanks for coming to Staffer’s Book Review, John. If you ever find yourself in need of a personal assistant, let me know, you’re much nicer than the poseur I work for now, which is admittedly a pretty low bar to clear.

Anealio: Sounds good Cheryl.  Justin really needs to give you a raise.


Check out John’s new album, Laser Zombie Robot Love on his website, where you can buy it. . . and stuff. It’s also on iTunes. You can also follow John on Twitter, Google+, and Facebook. I suggest it.

Written by justin


Justin is the Overlord of Staffer’s Book Review. When he’s not writing things of dubious value to the world, he’s at the gym or being a dad. You can follow him on a multitude of social media, which is strongly suggested lest you miss out on vital information that could someday save your life.